One Very Special Flower Recipient
I was in a hurry, and thought that I did not have time to bring flowers to another nursing home on Belmont Avenue. I had already been to Hayes Manor, Inglis House, and Stephen Smith Towers. And besides, I only had about 15 bouquets left in my car.
But something was nudging me to pull into the driveway of nursing home number 4. I ran in and dropped some flowers off for the activity director. And now, I have a new phone pal. We have never met but we have had five voicemail and phone interactions. I know so much about him, and have no idea what he looks like, and vice versa. He just turned 89!
Oh heavens no, it is not a match.com type of thing. It is one of the wonders of being THE FLOWER LADY and how a chance delivery to a nursing home in Philadelphia has developed into occasional sessions of inspiration, courage, and stories of overcoming challenges. I have learned about the racism and segregation that his wife experienced as a child in the south in the 1950's.
There was a message on my voicemail. Mr. D. called to thank me. "Good afternoon, Patricia. We have not formally met. Thank you for reaching out in such a special way by bringing flowers to where I live. I wanted to extend my heartfelt thanks and deep appreciation for the thoughtful surprise of the bouquet I received from you."
I was curious and called him back.
Mr D. was married for 66 years. His wife passed away in April. They lived in the same room in the senior community. His new roommate had a stroke and can't speak. I thought about how lonely he must be with no visitors allowed during the pandemic, and no roommate for company.
"I have a library of books in my room to read. I haven't found time to be bored. I have so many things to delve into here. I talk to my three youngsters who are all grown up. God has been so good to us. My wife and I celebrated our 66th anniversary. We were blessed to see our three kids graduate from Temple University."
I knew he had the wisdom of the years to share. Here are some snippets of our conversations:
"You don't make promises that you will fail to keep. You have to be a person who keeps your word. That is your bond."
"You have to keep your dreams alive when you have a desire to do something. And be patient. You can't build Rome in a night. When you accomplish something, that realization - well, that is when you feel rewarded. You have to hang in there. Whatever it is, study the technology and apply it. When you master it, you will get a chance to meet like-minded people and you will have a nice fellowship."
"My wife and I worked together on our marriage. I wanted to be a real husband and a real father. I saw a lot of people who weren't that way, and they weren't happy."
"I had a lot of joy in my life watching my children grow. Whenever they wanted to talk to Dad, I pushed things aside to talk to them. My one little girl, whenever I put my coat on to go out, she would grab her coat; she always wanted to go with me. We did that a lot. She was a cute little girl." "
I try to strike up conversations with young people. I meet them at their point of interest. I do more listening than talking, especially because I know they are trying to navigate various challenges of life. I try to be approachable, and get a handle on where they are. I tell them not to take themselves too seriously, and not to be self-centered and to be kind, patient, cheerful, and a good listener."
"Life takes you to so many interesting places when you are approachable. Smile a lot."
He continued talking about friendship.
"One of the things that I do is call my friends. I dialogue and interact with people that I have known for a long time. When we were young, and raising kids in the 1950's and 1960's, fathers spent their time bragging about their kids to each other. One dad talked so much about his son that I called him The Wonder Boy, and I had never even met him. His dad bragged that he was a precocious young man, a musical virtuoso, and could sweep notes out of that trumpet that nobody else could do. Many years later, on Easter Sunday, a brass ensemble came to play at our church. My friend, Johnny, played the tuba, and his son played the trumpet. I finally got to meet the son, his protege, the wonder boy. His dad passed away but the son called me on my birthday last Friday. We reminisced a little bit, and then I told him of an experience that I had while I was in high school.
I used to get on the trolley to go John Bartram High School. It took two trolleys to get to 67th and Elmwood Avenue. When I was a freshman, I saw a new girl waiting for the trolley. She was a student too. I said 'good morning' and she didn't say anything. The next day, the same route, the same girl, and the same greeting of 'good morning.' Again, she didn't say anything - another non-responsive encounter. I saw her every day, and she would never speak. I wasn't trying to make a date. I was just trying to be sociable. Years later, Johnny invited me to a barbecue at his house in New Jersey. His wife was having an art show. Johnny and the Brass Ensemble played music on the lawn. We enjoyed snacks. Johnny said, "I'd like you to meet my wife." He had married the girl who stood at the trolley stop. She knew me - but she didn't say anything. I could see by how her mouth dropped - that she recognized me as the sociable fellow. The girl who wouldn't speak to me turned out to be the mother of The Wonder Boy.
When he called me on my birthday last Friday, he was very intrigued that I knew his mom when she was 14.”
He continued -
“When I was a little boy, about eight or nine years old, I watched in admiration as my minister played the trumpet. I was fascinated and wanted to play the trumpet. My aunt asked me what i wanted for Christmas. 'I just want a trumpet.' Bye and bye, Christmas came and I looked under the tree. No trumpet. Spring came. A truck was coming down the street and in the wagon of the truck , there was something all wrapped in pads. We lived on a little street. I wondered where the truck was going. It stopped in front of where I lived. They pulled the pads off, and it was a piano. It dawned on me that a piano was coming into my house. They had to take the front window off to get the piano in, because it did not fit in the door. I watched as they put the piano against the wall in the living room It stood well over five feet. It was a Concert Grand Upright. I asked, 'Who is going to play that?' My mom introduced me to the piano teacher who stood there. There was no bench, just a stool. She gave me my first piano lesson. We had three boys and three girls and I was the oldest. My sister wanted to play the piano, but she did not want to practice. So I wound up being the only one to play the piano. So that is how I came to have a lifetime appreciation of music. One of my favorite memories was when I was asked to accompany a man who played the trumpet. Together we played the patriotic tune "Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean." We played at concerts and for churches. If you know how to play a musical instrument, you became a part of a wonderful society of musicians. I thought that it was the trumpet that would make me happy so long ago. But it was the piano with its 88-note keyboard that has brought me so much joy. I went on to learn to play the Pipe Organ too. It was a challenge, because the organ not only had four rows of keys but a 32 note player that you had to manipulate with your feet on the pedals. And there is not much wiggle room down there. I had to learn to do four things at once. Left hand, right hand, left foot, right foot. It was a challenge for sure. But I just hung in there and I learned."